Category: Diary

I am now the proud owner of: one blonde wig (golden glaze), one Kangol beret (very Samuel L. Jackson), two bandanas (one black, one purple-ish) and a very cosy blue hat (of indeterminate style).  I'm hoping to get organised enough to get Charlie to take pictures of me wearing each of these for a new poll…and speaking of polls, I believe there has been some foul play…I've been told that a Geordie cartel (Steve!) has been voting more than once for his favourite Geordie lads…some people really should be working 😉

I have to admit that the last week or so has been tough.  I am finding it difficult to take in all that has happened to me and I do spend far too much time thinking about how much I will see of the babies, how Charlie will cope, how often I'll get to see the girls and so on.  When I wake up, I start crying and then have to get it together before the girls come through.  I'm physically well and I can go out places but I'm scared to go out on my own.  My pregnancy and ATRA drug have lowered my blood pressure so much that I can pass out getting out of bed or getting into the shower.  I'm just worried that if I go out alone, I'll faint and then it will all go horribly wrong 🙁

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My blood pressure has sunk…er…to 91/57 (which is fairly low).  Got up on Thursday, said "Goodbye" to the Amber and Megan (who went off to school/playgroup), got in the shower and fainted… !-)  Great start to the day!  Thankfully Charlie came back from handing over the girls…my hero…and my Mum came down to keep an eye on me.

I've been asking for hints about how to get my blood pressure up (obviously shouting at Charlie is a pretty good option).  Denise suggested toast and honey, first thing, every morning, before I get out of bed (I promptly got my toast and honey this morning..um..not bad).  Mhairi suggested pulsing my calf muscles and…putting my head between my legs…that just isn't going to happen with the size of my bump but a useful tip anyway!  If you have any suggestions please let me know by using the Contact Me menu option.

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Well, well, well.  Didn't feel like writing a lot on Monday, I was just so overwhelmed with joy at my news.  A big answer to prayer and wonderful all round.  The good news to add to my remission is that my blood pressure has come up a bit…I don't fall over quite so much!  In fact, given the size I'm getting, I don't think I would fall over, rather I would wobble and right myself like a weeble (everyone 30 to 40 knows where I'm at with that!).

I've been feeling great and have been helping with the morning routine, getting the girls ready for school etc.  In fact, Charlie looked at me this morning and said it was a miracle how well I was looking and was doing considering only a few weeks ago I could hardly get my breath.  Time just now is so precious, I'm so fortunate to be feeling the way I do and I'm really trying to make the most of it.  Live life to the max…(after I have a lie down 'cause my back's sore 😉 LOL

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We went for a scan on Wednesday.  Our normal consultant is away on a three week holiday so we had a scan with another doctor.  The boys both seem fine from the scan however the doctor is concerned that one twin is smaller than the other so we have to go back next Tuesday for an additional scan.  The problem may be that the twins are developing Twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome but we won't know until the scan and maybe not even then.  TTTS is a disease of identical twins caused by abnormal connecting blood vessels in the twins' placenta, resulting in an imbalanced flow of blood from one twin to another. The implications of this are very serious for the survival and health of both twins.

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It's been a nightmare week, Charlie's been really quiet because he's been worried all week about today's scan.  He's spent hours online reading everything he can find about Twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome.  As a result, he's been even more worried and has been hiding it from me a bit (but I can tell).  He's also been bossing me about, telling me to rest and feeding me protein drinks.  Apparently, the drinks boost the nutrients in my blood so that twins get more nourishment.  This can help if TTTS is diagnosed.

I felt sick to my stomach after our news on Wednesday, the idea that, after everything else, there might be a problem with the twins was the last thing I felt I could cope with.  I've come through so much already, with the help and support of so many great family and friends, that for something to go wrong with the boys…well, I was a bit floored.  I spent most of Thursday in bed, I couldn't face getting up, and Friday wasn't much better. 

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The last week has been a quiet family time.  I've been feeling the relief since the scan on Tuesday last week and taking it very easy, caught up on a lot of my reading, absolute bliss!  Knowing that all is well has really brought some peace to me.  Charlie, me, Amber and Megan have just spent four days at the Coylumbridge Hotel in Aviemore and enjoyed the rest.

Isn't it amazing how a change of scenery can change how you think, slow you down for a bit and let you recharge!  I even ventured into the pool while away…I think Greenpeace were almost called a couple of times to return this whale to the ocean! :-)  My entrance to the pool was a bit like Gwyneth Paltrow's when she jumps into the pool in "Shallow Hal" – if you've seen it you'll know what I mean.

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I'll just give you a summary of the week since I last updated by blog.

Monday I was back into hospital.  Fairly uneventful, my bloods are still good and I'm physically just feeling big pregnant lady! :-).  Tuesday was a great day, I went to Jumping Jacks to watch Megan.  Jumping Jacks is a kids gymnastics class which Megan goes to each week.  It was really fantastic to see Megan doing her forward rolls etc. and then finishing each manoeuvre with a gymnastic stand and bow.

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I am really fed up!  I didn't want this blog to become a moaning session…poor old Vanessa…so I haven't posted for a wee while because, to be honest, I've had enough!  I don't get a minutes peace, I'm being kicked from inside and IT HURTS!  I spend all day worrying about what will happen when I'm in hospital and I'm not reassured by Charlie's easy going attitude…I just want things done my way!  Call me picky!

Megan has been giving us a bit of a hard time recently.  She has been making a BIG fuss at bed times and in the morning…I am concerned because she is with a number of different people during the week and it has been hard on her in some ways BUT she has to go to bed and sleep!  Charlie's put together a "Good Girl" chart which she gets ticked if she gets up etc.  and the motivation for her getting up quickly in the morning is to bake Croissants or Pain au Chocolate (please note these are  out of a packet , not made from scratch}.  Her efforts are rather good as well!  It has been working fairly well in the mornings but the evenings are still…challenging 😐

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