Month: March 2005

Have you ever felt like everything would just carry on as normal if you weren't there?  I'm here and I just feel invisible.  So many people are helping us and Charlie has just "taken over" with taking care of the kids, meals and so on…I just feel a bit left out ~:-(  I know he has the best of intentions but that doesn't stop me feeling frustrated that I'm not the one running around like a headless chicken! 

I'm glad I'm not in hospital today but I'm just thinking that it was something to break-up what is a very long week.  It was our wedding anniversary on Monday – seven years!  Charlie bought some flowers for me (but he got confused about if these were the delivery for Mothers Day or for our Anniversary – he had to check his email to work out which was which – my husband…so well organised :-o!) I even had a glass of red wine with my tea…well, I think one glass of wine is the least of my worries!

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Great news today! I'm having scans every two weeks to keep an eye on Ant and Dec (? – well, you voted for them!).  Today, my pregnancy is at 20 weeks and 2 days.  I went for my scan and Twin 1 (Ant) has measurements which put him at 20 weeks and 6 days while Twin 2 (Dec) is at 20 weeks and 4 days!  Both are doing really well and are lying length ways across me (heads on the right, feet on the left) hence why I'm feeling so uncomfortable.

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I am now the proud owner of: one blonde wig (golden glaze), one Kangol beret (very Samuel L. Jackson), two bandanas (one black, one purple-ish) and a very cosy blue hat (of indeterminate style).  I'm hoping to get organised enough to get Charlie to take pictures of me wearing each of these for a new poll…and speaking of polls, I believe there has been some foul play…I've been told that a Geordie cartel (Steve!) has been voting more than once for his favourite Geordie lads…some people really should be working 😉

I have to admit that the last week or so has been tough.  I am finding it difficult to take in all that has happened to me and I do spend far too much time thinking about how much I will see of the babies, how Charlie will cope, how often I'll get to see the girls and so on.  When I wake up, I start crying and then have to get it together before the girls come through.  I'm physically well and I can go out places but I'm scared to go out on my own.  My pregnancy and ATRA drug have lowered my blood pressure so much that I can pass out getting out of bed or getting into the shower.  I'm just worried that if I go out alone, I'll faint and then it will all go horribly wrong 🙁

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My blood pressure has sunk…er…to 91/57 (which is fairly low).  Got up on Thursday, said "Goodbye" to the Amber and Megan (who went off to school/playgroup), got in the shower and fainted… !-)  Great start to the day!  Thankfully Charlie came back from handing over the girls…my hero…and my Mum came down to keep an eye on me.

I've been asking for hints about how to get my blood pressure up (obviously shouting at Charlie is a pretty good option).  Denise suggested toast and honey, first thing, every morning, before I get out of bed (I promptly got my toast and honey this morning..um..not bad).  Mhairi suggested pulsing my calf muscles and…putting my head between my legs…that just isn't going to happen with the size of my bump but a useful tip anyway!  If you have any suggestions please let me know by using the Contact Me menu option.

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Well, well, well.  Didn't feel like writing a lot on Monday, I was just so overwhelmed with joy at my news.  A big answer to prayer and wonderful all round.  The good news to add to my remission is that my blood pressure has come up a bit…I don't fall over quite so much!  In fact, given the size I'm getting, I don't think I would fall over, rather I would wobble and right myself like a weeble (everyone 30 to 40 knows where I'm at with that!).

I've been feeling great and have been helping with the morning routine, getting the girls ready for school etc.  In fact, Charlie looked at me this morning and said it was a miracle how well I was looking and was doing considering only a few weeks ago I could hardly get my breath.  Time just now is so precious, I'm so fortunate to be feeling the way I do and I'm really trying to make the most of it.  Live life to the max…(after I have a lie down 'cause my back's sore 😉 LOL

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We went for a scan on Wednesday.  Our normal consultant is away on a three week holiday so we had a scan with another doctor.  The boys both seem fine from the scan however the doctor is concerned that one twin is smaller than the other so we have to go back next Tuesday for an additional scan.  The problem may be that the twins are developing Twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome but we won't know until the scan and maybe not even then.  TTTS is a disease of identical twins caused by abnormal connecting blood vessels in the twins' placenta, resulting in an imbalanced flow of blood from one twin to another. The implications of this are very serious for the survival and health of both twins.

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