It’s been a while since we talked…

A lot has happened since I updated my blog at the start of July.  I was really pretty down at that time.  My blood counts were through the floor and I'd just had such a great week – I really did think "Hey, this chemo is a breeze. Nothing is going to happen to me!" and then BANG…I woke up one morning with a bit of a temperature and hundreds of tiny red bruises all over my legs!  Basically I could have picked up some infection AND my platelets in my blood had fallen so much that my blood wasn't clotting and I was getting these tiny red bruises!  I spent four or five days in hospital where my blood counts were upped by transfusions of platelets and blood.  I really struggled in hospital, my mouth was sore and I really didn't want to eat anything.  I have more tablets to take than a bus full of pensioners on an outing and I've lost so much weight that I officially have no bum!

I was discharged after a few days and had to go into the day clinic every day.  We were still staying at Charlie's Mum's House – all six of us.  The boys were sharing a room with Charlie and me – I was waking up every time the night feeds were being done and I was getting more and more tired.  I was home for three days when I discovered a irritation round my neck – which over a 24 hour period slow crept down my body to make me look like I had all over nappy rash!  Charlie took me into the clinic again (on the 12th – I think) and I was admitted again.  My counts were low (my platelets) and I had taken an allergic reaction to one of the many anti-biotics I was taking to fight infection.  I took a funny turn after receiving a bag of platelets in clinic on the 12th – I started shaking uncontrollably – very weird.  I got a shot of Piriton and I was right as rain (apart from being back in hospital – AGAIN!).  My hickman line was taken out because it wasn't working.  The doctors think that it was an infection in my hickman which was putting up my temperature and the same infection was blocking the tubes in the line.  This does mean that I will have to have yet another surgical procedure to fit another hickman…oh what fun!

I've been pretty down when in hospital these last few times.  I have to admit that I've had a few days when I've seriously thought about packing it all in, checking myself out and spending my time with Charlie and the kids.  But then I think "No, This isn't going to beat me" and I sort myself out a bit.  I think I have my head round what the Chemo does to me now and I won't be taken by surprise again.  The side effects really do creep up on you like some kind of sickly predator – oozing discomfort and distress – making you weak and vulnerable to infection and robbing you of what's left of your dignity!  My hair has really come out but, because I had it short, I think I've kept more hair than I might had otherwise.  Every time I lay my head against a pillow or cushion I leave a little ring of my tresses – a hair halo – behind! 

I really did think for a few days in the hospital that my blood counts would never rise and that that was me…time to make the tuna sandwiches!  But they have now come back up and I'm feeling so much better.  I'm home now and have been since last Thursday (21st).  Charlie and the children (all four of them!) moved back into our house on June 18 and I was gutted at not being there but I did make it here in the end.  I'm spending my time emptying boxes and finding place for things.  The house looks fantastic and I'm really excited about it all! 🙂

I have to go back into hospital on June 28 to be admitted to Ward 16 again. I'm getting another hickman fitted on Friday and then it's…seconds out…round two…more chemotherapy 🙁 I am sad at leaving my boys and girls so soon after getting home but I know this is all just one step further on to recovery.
This time I'm sure I'm ready….

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